Where’d Ya Go, Gillette?

Coal miners in Gillette, Wyoming, were angry about Joe Biden’s presidency. They feared his putting the final nail in a coffin that has been closing on them for two decades – the last four of which having been on Trump’s watch. Promising an end to all the suffocating regulations, Trump said often and loudly that he was the only candidate who could Make Mining Great Again. Indeed, those were some of his ‘promises kept!’ He did kneecap the EPA by installing Scott Pruitt (former Oklahoma AG and famous climate science denier). Aided and abetted by his openly hostile and comically unqualified agency head, Trump did lift a ton of regulations.

What he couldn’t lift was demand.

There was a tiny uptick in 2017, then the industry continued its slow march to the grave. Like Trump’s first 3 wives, coal was abandoned by a market that was looking for something younger and easier to use. Turns out, no one was being strangled by regulations. The coal industry simply got natural gassed, and miners got fracked.

Disco Donkey Pile

Despite its inauspicious early names of, first Donkey Town, then Rocky Pile, Gillette rose from the ashes of a devastating fire to become “The (self-proclaimed) Energy Capitol of the Nation.” When huge reserves of coal, oil, and coalbed methane were discovered in the early 70s, the town’s population exploded by 48% in the space of just a few years. Suddenly little Donkey Town was sporting some sparkly platform horseshoes! This one region was sourcing nearly 40% of the nation’s usage at its peak production. It was also a huge source of pride for its residents, particularly Wyoming’s native son, Halliburton CEO, and former Vice President Dick Cheney.

Today, Gillette’s miners and town leaders have begun to realize that they can’t simply will coal back into favor. But they continue to see themselves as having powered America’s prosperity. Since the decline in coal’s popularity isn’t their fault, they feel that some type of (ugh)…reparations are in order.

I’m not immediately opposed to this idea! We helped the railroads, the auto industry (twice), Lockheed-Martin/airlines (thrice), farmers (many times) northwest timber production, S&Ls/banks (also many). It’s a long list. With few exceptions, bailouts end up being profitable for the Treasury and good for the economy. But for some reason, this one puts me on the back foot.

The Trumpiest Tea Party-types use the words ‘free market economy’ as either a talisman or a bulldozer. They invoke this charm to wring every nickel out of consumers through predatory lending, to sink toxins into the water table, leave lead in paint and asbestos in insulation LONG after they learned how deadly it is, pump more nicotine into cigarettes to make them more addictive, and all with impunity. ‘Don’t regulate,’ they shout! ‘If you don’t like what we’re doing, stop buying the product. Let the market decide!’ Yeah. Allow us to continue killing people and destroying the environment while that decision gets made.

But once the Great and Powerful Market starts bending away from them, they want a bailout.

We know that some bailouts are triggered by natural events, others by human malfeasance, but they share a big similarity: Whatever went wrong, it happened quickly. Hints of big business failures were there for those who knew how to look for them, but the actual fall goes too quickly to let people find their floatation devices.

For Gillette and the coal industry, there was plenty of early warning.

Friend, I truly don’t want to call you stupid. It’s disrespectful and not at all helpful. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t believe any proof I might be able to show you. But I’m also fairly certain that, tucked away in your heart of hearts, you know all Trump wanted was your vote. Once he got that, he wouldn’t give a busted twig to help you. Between Trump and Biden, only one of them was likely to show up at your door with a nice casserole and ask what he can do for you. But none of that matters. I am going to point to the full two decades of you driving back and forth with the stench of economic death in your nostils and say you should’ve known. When good ol’ boy George W. “I [Heart] Fossil Fuels – Let’s Kill Sadam and Take His Oil” Bush and his buddy Dick Cheney couldn’t fix the market, it should’ve been a sign to wash and wax your shuttle bus resume. Your would-be heroes had eight years and plenty of incentive to figure it out; eight years of most people still rolling their eyes at Al Gore. Still, no magic stylist – political or otherwise – came along to give coal a makeover.

It reminds me of that old joke about the man who heard on the radio about a big flood coming. All his friends and neighbors were packing up and telling him to come with them to higher ground. “Nope,” he says. “I believes in God, and God’s gonna save me.” Now the man’s on the roof when some people come by in a boat, telling him to get in or he’s going to drown! “Nope,” he says. He believes in God, and God’s gonna save him. Later that night, a helicopter shows up, throws down a ladder. Same thing: Get in! Nope, God’s gonna save him. Then he drowns.

Why do you deserve a bailout when God sent you news reports, neighbors, empty shuttles, and an ever-growing number of quiet rail cars, and still you sat there while the water kept rising all around you?

For the record, I think we should help you. That’s a big part of what it means to be a Democrat. In fact, helping lift people up is what American’s do for one another. THAT is one of the things that truly makes America great.

So take the money. In return, I ask only one simple thing: Remember that half of every dollar you receive came from a Democrat’s pocket. Please don’t blame ‘phony science’ or radical leftist politicians for your hardship. We’d rather you just said, ‘thank you,’ and started rebuilding your life. I’ll kindly ask that you recall this moment before blaming us (or anyone else) for things that go wrong in your life.

We certainly had nothing to do with that couch.